Seattle bikers can be real pricks sometimes. I will say right off the top that I love bicycles. I think they’re a great way to get around, and I think Seattle does a great job of providing what it can for bikers’ comfort. But man alive, Seattle bikers can be real assholes and/or morons when they want to. Of course, the same can be said of Seattle drivers, Seattle walkers, and Seattleites in every other mode of transport imaginable. I think our people have some real social adjustment problems due to the region’s rapid growth in the 90’s, and its transformation from sleepy fishing village to major center for software and music. But people around here don’t pay attention to what they’re doing. Pedestrians stand at lights that have turned green, and suddenly realize that they should cross. And then they take their sweet time. Infuriating for a driver who just wants to take a left but has to wait until this person collects his thoughts and get walking. And I’m not even going to start on the drivers around here. Not enough room on the internet to open that can of idiotic worms. Too many drivers out there afflicted with Seattle Nice, which seems to obliterate any and all understanding of the rules of the road. But today’s topic is bikers, and there’s one prime example that I just have to relate.
I scooter these days. Therefore, I find myself wedged somewhere between bikers and motorists, not truly accepted as a member of either group. So I watch what goes on from a perspective different from both. The other day I was heading home from work and witnessed one of the biggest asshole moves ever. On 34th Street near Gas Works, there are bike lanes running both directions. If you’re heading west toward Fremont , there is a bike lane running alongside the car lane. When you get to Stone Way , there are two car lanes – one to go straight ahead, one to take a right and head north on Stone. The straight-toward-Fremont bike lane gets swallowed up by this right turn lane, but there is plenty of room for both cars and bikes to share. So this asshole biker pulls up to the light, dead center of the car lane, no room to get to his right and make the turn. Cars trying to turn right are stacking up. The car at the front of the line is edging closer – he needs the biker to move forward 6 inches in order to get past and make his turn, but the biker ignores him and stands firm. The car finally swings the turn, but the next car behind cannot make the move any easier because this prick won’t move a foot to his left, and there isn’t adequate room to turn if he doesn’t move. And the clincher to this prick’s prickishness is that he actually looks back toward the third car that is trying to make a right, and he fucking SHRUGS. Like there is nothing he can do about it. “Sorry pal, I am unable to move six inches forward or to the left. Wish I could, but I can’t.” What a fucking tool.
Because this wanker couldn’t be bothered, the line of cars stacked back to Woodlawn – a long long stretch. And since that light is really really long, a whole bunch of cars got stuck there idling, waiting for a turn. I’m sure this guy got off on the fact that he could make a bunch of people wait. But you know what, fucknut red-spandex biker guy? You were sitting dead center in a TURN LANE. In order to keep it moving, drivers need to be on the ball, ready to shoot the gap and take their right turn. But because you had to feel so superior, you brought all of the work of our great urban planners – all of their planning, common sense and design for that intersection – and brought it to a grinding halt, all to feed your ego. You’re a bitch.
There are plenty of forums that talk about how we need more dedicated bike lanes for the growing community of bikers, but even with the lanes, there are lots of bikers who feel no need to use them. They ride wherever and however they like, not really caring what anyone else thinks, coasting around in their little bubbles of entitlement, not locked down to the laws of anyone else. Weaving between cars, running lights, riding on sidewalks, locking their bikes to handrails (which people actually use to walk upstairs sometimes), and wearing stupid Tour de France-style bodysuits. The worst of all are the ones who ride in the center of a one lane road, maintaining a steady 10 MPH, with a line of 15 cars following behind. And nobody can pass because there isn’t enough room. What is going through the minds of these bikers? I wish I knew. Can human beings really be so clueless and selfish?
And again, I support biking. I have voted in favor of every levy that has come down in favor of supporting bikers. And all you good, conscientious bikers who want to be part of the solution instead of part of the problem, I salute you. I know you’re out there too. Keep on keeping on. And if you see that red-spandex shithead out there mucking it up for everyone, tell him to quit being such a dick. He clearly won’t hear it if it comes from someone driving a car, so it’s up to you guys.
Jeremy
DHC